I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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