Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
