It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
