Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
