i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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