I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
