I hope mine doesn't look like that
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
