Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't deserve a penis
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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