why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
