she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
