btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
