Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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