he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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