At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
