i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
