It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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