I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
