So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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