I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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