I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
