Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
