I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
