Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
