I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
