I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
