If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
