Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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