Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Randomize
