I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
