Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
