I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
