I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
