I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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