the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
