Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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