By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
