she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
