i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Is it penis luge time yet?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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