i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
