If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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