just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
