Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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