It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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