shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
