the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
