D3 body, D1 cock
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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