meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
