he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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