Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
