I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
