We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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