did you get engaged???
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
