Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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